Re: Last post
Simple solutions for simple problems. If ya don't want someone to read something, don't make it public. I've been keeping an offline journal for months now; this site will supplement, not substitute for it. Talking about how completely smitten I am with Katrina -- that can go online. Hell, I'd shout it from the rooftops if they didn't keep arresting me for that. Talking about how there's nothing better than a warm apple pie when you're home alone and the blinds are closed? I'll, uh, keep that private, thanks.

I mentioned that I had started this thing to my girlfriend. She mentioned it to some of our friends over dinner. And naturally, they asked me about it.

And naturally, my face explored some of the deeper versions of red.

I'm perfectly content offering up my letters and words to the nebulously anonymous "Internet." I'm not so content offering them up to my friends and family. The idea of people I actually know reading this thing scares the willys out of me. The idea of them actually talking to me about something I wrote keeps me up at nights. Like... right now.

Part of it is just not having an easy way to explain why it is I'm doing this. It's not like I can look at someone across the table from me and say, "I'm doing it because I feel a need to write and a desire to express my ideas for others to see." Not while keeping a straight face and a normal hue, at any rate. But that's just part of it. Even if I had a nice quick (sane) reason I could rattle off, the thought of someone I know reading this is still... awkward. It makes me feel like I need to censor myself, not because what I'm saying is 'secret' but because it might be a little too relevant if the reader was also the subject.

So why am I writing this? Why am I pushing my journal from simple privacy out into complex publicity?

. . .

I think it's because it's hard to write without an audience. Even if it's nothing more than the potential for audience. There's some level of work involved with any sort of writing and a touch of artistic pride always gets woven into it. I don't think anyone can sit at a keyboard and write and think, and write and think some more, and then not want to share the end results. It's too much work for it to be wasted by going unread, and so I want the potential for audience as a carrot to keep me at it. And it's something I really do want to keep at -- writing down my thoughts not only preserves them against being lost to my Memento-ish memory, it forces me to clarify and support them.

So I like to write because it helps me think, and I like to have an audience because it keeps me writing. Nice, quick, and hopefully sane sounding reason. Except I don't really want an audience, especially if it's going to consist of people I know.

Maybe they'll forget all about this thing, and I can plod on with my comforting 'local' anonymity. Or maybe I'll have a 'real' audience and will just have to use a touch of caution.

Or maybe I'll just stop.

I just loaned my parents my Miata for a few days. I've often offered for them to use it, but with Dad having retired yesterday, they finally took me up on it.

Two things dominated my thinking as they left. First is how incredibly tiny that car is. I'm used to sitting in it, and I'm used to the view from it, but seeing someone else drive it is a wholly alien to me. Doubly so when it's my parents.

The second is that I finally understand what it must be like for parents to loan the keys to their son for the night. Intimidating. An odd mix of pride and worry as they see him drive away. Though I suppose that real parents are probably more worried about their kid than they are the car. Not exactly the same in my case.

I suppose I sound a bit overzealous when it comes to the damn thing. It stems from it being the car I've always wanted growing up, and from it being my first car. My first car. It's the most expensive thing I own, it's the first thing I turn to work on when an idle weekend comes up, and it's what I jump in whenever I'm feeling bored.

And mostly I'm just glad that they're finally gonna use it -- knowing that someone is going to come back grinning after doing something you do regularly is a neat feeling. It's like introducing someone to windsurfing, or mountain biking when you know they're just gonna love it. Share the love.

The weather should be perfect for cruising 'round the mountains with the top down. Now here's to hoping that they don't get stuck in traffic.

Never mind the mike tapping and throat clearing. We're live on 3... 2... 1...

Hello world.

Rather than starting from scratch, this page is really just an extension and publication of something I've been doing for months now -- keeping a journal. I don't expect it's focus to shift just because it's gone from offline to on, though I won't protest too much if it does drift. This has always been about providing a reminder of my thoughts, not so much my actions or activities. No sense having a really interesting discussion or insight, only to forget about it days later... and with my memory, that's exactly what I was doing. I've got a mild case of Memento, and this is my strategy for coping.

Since this is the first posting though, I don't mind taking the time to lay out where things stand in the world today.

I'm living in Davis, CA and working at Bio-Rad as a Production Chemist. I'm driving a '94 Miata and am totally in love with my Katrina. Currently, she's in Hawaii, but'll be back in just two short days -- after six long weeks of being away. And yes, 'my Katrina' is my girlfriend, not my car.

On a wider scale, the US is occupying Iraq after ousting the Hussein regime. Extremist muslims are still blowing themselves up. Antiamericanism is on the rise world-wide as we heavily and bluntly utilize the power and influence we've built over the last fifty years. China's government is still afraid of it's own people, and is the epicenter of the flu-like illness SARS. Russia is starting to (quietly) rattle the sabre and dream of it's lost power and independence. North Korea is openly admitting to having nuclear weapons and is clearly developing more. Afganistan is still wartorn, still has a weak government, and is still incredibly poor. The world wide economy can be perfectly summed up by the word, 'Soggy.' Isreal and Palestine are attacking each other regularly, one with suicide bombers, and the other with tanks and bulldozers.

Sound like a lousy time for the world?

Perhaps. But I'm as hopeful for the future as always. More so, even. Despite the breadth and depth of the world's problems, at least we, as Americans, are finally aware of them. The famously inward looking nation has once again been forced to wake up, look around, and take action.

I'm not jingoistic. I hate the very idea of nationalism. But I believe that many of the world's lingering problems deserve attention, and right now America & Britain look to be among the very very few who are willing to bring about change. Kudos to them.

As always, more later.