I've had robots on the brain for the last few weeks, so when I saw a Radio Controlled "Stunt Vehicle" for $6, I didn't hesitate to buy it. At best I figured it would be a fun little toy to play with, and at worst I could tear it apart and use the RF controller and motors in a home-built toy. There was no way to lose. But little did I know that the instructions would turn out to be by far the most valuable piece -- I'm pretty sure they must have been translated from Chinese to English via Eskimo.

See the link for a (bad) photo of 'em, but here's a sampling, with my comments in [square brackets]. There are no typos, only some rather unique spelling...

1.Is not suitable for the 3 years old and the following child
2.Before beginning uses must hard finish reading this manual
3.Suggestion is under the person's leading usage

[I was really expecting line two to be some unlucky kid's name. Sorry Billy, this toy isn't suitable for the 3 years old and YOU.]

SAFE RULE
1.prohibition against 3 years old below of child usage;
2.play attention,you of finger,hair,clothes...etc.don't touch and car wheel,in order to prevent quilt harm; [QUILT?!]
3.car while driving not want to by hand grasp it;
4.don't let the remote control close to any fire withe car original;(such as electric stove ,stove beside or mightiness of sunlight bottom) [At least they clarified with examples...]
5.not want the place in danger to play; {such as street steep slope...etc.}
6.don't let the wet water of car,and not wnt under the rainy day is open-air usage;
7.not want on the sand ground to play;
8.forbid the child to tear open the remote control with the car; [Damn, and that's just what I was going to do, too. Oh... wait, with the car -- I'll use a screwdriver.]
9.if the car dash to piecesed,and should pass by the per son check or profession personnel maintain the rear can continue to use.