When I was still in school, I was a procrastinator of the first degree. I'm no longer in school, but some things--some things never change. The best part about putting things off is, of course, that you get to have fun now instead of later, not to mention that all the work which you would otherwise have to start now can be started... later. But there are a couple of downsides. The obvious one, that you have less time to get the work done in, normally isn't all that bad. You panic a little, you sleep a little less, but mostly you just trim the quality of the project. Condering I tend to lean towards perfectionism given a completely open timeline, the quality trimming isn't altogether that bad. But the other downside is that the impending crunch of work starts hanging over your head and ... nagging, I guess is really the best word. It's tempting to use cliches like, "storm clouds gathering overhead" but an analogy based on nagging seems more appropriate, in that it's not the impending deluge and doom that are so bothersome, it's the inability to have any fun without thinking, "I should really be working on..." It's like having your mother in your head. She's moved in there, settled down, and isn't going to go anywhere until the deluge of work actually starts. In the intervening time you have to drag her along with you everywhere you go... to the beach, the party, and yes--even the porn store. "Shouldn't you really be working on..."

So as one could probably guess by now, I'm avoiding doing something. I need to make a decision, a big huge colossal incredibly important decision that'll affect the rest of my life. So naturally I'm waiting 'till the last minute. I need to choose a topic, a professor, a degree, or a college. Any one of which would get me started, and narrow down my choices enough to make things managable. As is, I'm lost and overwhelmed by the choices and by the magnitude of the choice. I know I want to go to grad school, but I don't know yet what I want to do. So I'm delaying. And delaying some more.

And some more.

Hi Mom. Yea, I know. I really should be working on...